I hear women complain about guys who suggest future plans or verbalize their affection in the early stages of dating. Then these women are irritated, nay angry, when the guy disappears. It is easy to do and I’ve found myself doing it, too. Instead of labeling the guys “liars,” “jerks,” “losers,” and “snakes,” why not…
Dating after 40
What do women fear?
My friend Steve pointed out the article “What Scares a Man?” by David Zinczenko. In it Zinczenko illuminates 15 things that frighten men. I was struck by how many of the 15 also apply to women. Things like rejection, being a lousy lover, living paycheck to paycheck, not seeing your kids grow up, losing a…
Are you stingy in dating?
Stingy: unwilling to give or spend; ungenerous. When most of us hear the word “stingy” we think of miserly, penny-pinching, Scroogelike, tightfisted, cheap and skinflint. You could be one of these things in dating if you never offer to pick up a tab, buy tickets, or buy even a nominal gift for your guy. Male…
Releasing revenge
In a seminar I was leading, a customer service provider was irritated by the rude customers she dealt with daily. “I want to know how to get back at them,” she demanded of me. When someone has wronged us, it is common to want revenge. When a man has led us on, then unceremoniously dumped…
A primer for how to become more romantic
In “What’s your definition of romance?” we talked about specific activities that most women consider romantic. However, I’ve been thinking more about what comprises romance. Then I got this question from a male reader in response to the posting “The Valentine’s angst is upon us“: I have some angst about Valentine’s Day. It is a…
All you need is love?
The other day I had coffee with a man I dated briefly a year ago and with whom I’ve stayed in touch. As we were catching up, he chided me for not having an elective medical procedure that he thinks is important and I think is less so. When he pressed why I hadn’t done…
What’s your date’s score on the Delight/Disappointment Scale?
Competitive people keep score. They note accumulated points and penalties. I think we unconsciously do this with our dates. So I’ve devised a chart to illustrate what usually happens in our minds. We track the things we like and weigh them against the things we don’t like or are disappointed by. Sometimes these disappointments are…
Midlife men have forgotten how to date
Swapping dating stories with a guy pal, I said, based on my observations, it seems many midlife men have forgotten how to date and be with a woman. He agreed. He hasn’t been in a relationship in a few years and he’s so used to being single he admits he’s forgotten some dating skills. This…
Have you built a fortress around your heart?
If we’ve been hurt in love, it is easy to say, “I’m not going to let that happen again.” We close off our heart, building a wall around it so no one can get close. The pain is too great. We don’t want to feel like that ever again. We do whatever we can so…
Romancing the media on Valentine’s Day
After my posting yesterday on “You are loved!” I certainly felt the love from many sources, including an unexpected one — the media! So excuse me, dear readers, but allow me to share my excitement. The Wall Street Journal quoted me in an article, “High-Tech Breakups Are Quick But Inflict a Special Pain; Getting Even…
You are loved!
Happy Valentine’s Day! The spirit of Valentine’s Day is to show others you care about them and, in turn, others will show that you are loved. However, sometimes we need to step back and see how love shows up in our lives in subtle ways. It’s easy to focus on only romantic love on this…