Some midlife women complain that some men they’ve dated want someone to take care of them — a mommy. Of course, in a Oedipal twist, they also want her to perform in the bedroom, assuming he still can. Being a mother figure isn’t all bad if that is what you like. Many women like nurturing…
Dating after 40
Are you too picky?
A friend chided me, “You’ve gone out with 75 men in 2 years. Why aren’t you married? Are you too picky?” When midlife women share that they haven’t found their “one” and they’re getting tired of looking, they begin to wonder if they are being too picky. The dilemma is, should you continue to be…
The first fight
New relationships frequently end over a first fight. Sometimes there isn’t even an actual fight, but one of you says/does/doesn’t do something that upsets the other and it’s over — without a word ever being a said about it. So a first fight is important. Not that I’m encouraging you to pick one, but when…
Does dancing skill equal lovemaking prowess?
In “Dirty Dancing,” we are seduced by Patrick Swayze’s dance moves. He is so smooth, so sexy, so hot. We long for a man who moves like that, who is so sure of himself and knows how to move with us in perfect union. But was he as good in intimate situations as he was…
When to remove your online profile?
You’ve been dating your guy for a little while — perhaps 1-3 months. You like him a lot and he seems to like you similarly. You have no interest in seeing anyone else, and he says he isn’t seeing anyone else. He asks you what he says to men who email you, and you say,…
Waves are like people
My sweetie has taken me to a romantic 2-day beach retreat. Our hotel room is 30 feet from the water’s edge. It is beautiful to watch the turbulent ocean dance outside our door. There are two rocks off shore but near the beach. The breakers wrap around each outcropping and come together on the beach…
Have you stayed just because of the sex?
When midlife daters have shared about their unfulfilling multi-month or -year relationships, I’ve asked why they stayed. After complaining about their former sweetie’s selfishness, immaturity, miserliness, controlling, and/or downright meanness it seems to me you’d be a fool to stay in this relationship. I’m astonished when I hear a commonly cited reason for staying: “The…
You can tell in the first 30 minutes
When I first started dating, a family-counselor friend told me that I’d know all I need to know if a man is a fit for me within the first 30 minutes of meeting him. I was incredulous. “Within only 30 minutes I will know if he is a fit for me? Not a full date?”…
How to detect the end is near
Many midlife women have shared that they are blindsided, as I have been, when a man breaks up with them or just disappears. We are curious what signs we missed that the end was coming. Here are a few things I and others have noticed in retrospect. He starts acting jerky. A friend shared with…
Boyfriend points
How does a man earn “boyfriend points” with you? Does he get points when he calls, takes you out, says nice things, brings you flowers? How about opens the door, helps with your coat, takes you to your favorite restaurant, compliments you, plans fun activities? Or acts with integrity, is kind to strangers, pets dogs…
Meet the … kids!
The film “Meet the Parents” showed how nerve wracking it can be to meet your sweetie’s parents. Well, how about when you meet his kids? That can be similarly unnerving, since if they don’t like you it can strain the relationship. I had the opportunity to meet my beau’s kids this week. At least two…