Have you noticed that dogs and cats adopted from shelters into good, loving homes are often very affectionate with their new owners? Many animals adopted from the pound have been neglected or abused. If they haven’t been abused beyond repair, when they get around kind, loving folks they respond similarly. I’ve seen this in humans…
Dating after 40
Does your date share your world view?
Many months ago, I was sharing with a gal pal how I was smitten with the guy I was seeing. After stammering to answer when she asked why I liked him so much, she eventually asked, “Does he share your world view?” I stopped in my tracks. It was a question I hadn’t thought about….
What’s your definition of dating success?
For many women the answer to this question would be, “To find my next love/husband/mate.” I invite you to consider another possible definition. If someone were to ask you, “What is your definition of success in life?” you would probably not answer, “To find my way to death.” Both definitions focus on the end result,…
Approaching dating as a project
The other day Internet Guy and I talked about the process of dating. He said he’s been put off by women who are assertive (aggressive?) about their dating time line. On the first date, he’s been told by more than one woman that she wants to be married within the year and begin a family…
The trial kiss
In sales, when you check for buying interest you use a trial close. Something like, “If you were to purchase this, which color/size/model would you like most?” Or, “If you were to go ahead, how many units would you initially order?” I’ve noticed some guys use a “trial kiss” to check for a woman’s “buying…
Awaiting the equivalent of a prom invitation
I don’t yet have a date invitation for New Year’s Eve. I’m in that dilemma some high school girls talk about where the prom is coming up and there are several possibilities. She really wants to be asked by her top guy, but she may be asked by the beta guy. If the beta guy…
Appreciating the Christmas gifts
No matter what your feelings about Christmas, I think you’d agree that the season — at least in many parts of the world — is focused around giving. It is a time of acknowledgement, in the US starting at Thanksgiving, culminating for many in gift giving on Christmas day, during Chanukah or Kwanzaa. So I’d…
Is your date trainable?
Sometimes I’m asked why I don’t always speak up when a date does something I don’t like. I weigh several things: Do I care enough about this relationship to put effort in trying to improve it? If it is a one-time coffee date with someone I can see isn’t a good match, then I don’t…
Do you get his motor running, or why does he read “easy” on your forehead?
I was chatting with a male friend about why the majority of the “bad” dates listed in “Men behaving badly” involved men moving too fast. We discussed if these guys were just horn dogs or if I was sending off subtle signals that were being misinterpreted. He: How do you behave in pre-meeting phone calls…
Women’s first-date blunders
In “First-date red flags that this guy isn’t for you” I talked about what men do that tell you he should be released back into the dating pool. But I’ve been curious what women do that make a man say, “She’s not for me.” Of course, everyone has their individual deal breakers, so I interviewed…
When “be yourself” is questionable advice
Oft-heard advice to daters is, “Just be yourself.” Well, what if “yourself” isn’t very appealing? What if “being yourself” means showing up for a first date with disheveled hair, dirty, ripped clothes, and uncouth behavior? That’s how you are at home, so isn’t it truly being yourself? On one hand, you shouldn’t try to be…