“He who hesitates is a damned fool.” —Mae West My friend Ken Braly wrote a hilarious piece, “Finding A House, Finding A Spouse” (posted in the Pages section) about how dating is like shopping for a home. I see this parallel. If you are shopping for a new home, you would want to see properties…
Are you ready for Mr. Great?
No rules for dating after 40
I was sharing my dating life with a married friend. She said she was glad she wasn’t dating now because there are no rules. When she was dating (40 years ago) there were rules. “Like what?” I asked. “No kissing on the first date.” “Really?” I responded incredulously. “I’ve had some fantastic kisses on the…
Dr. Jekyll/Ms. Hyde: Start the date on the right foot
Yesterday a male friend told me how his last date lasted 5 minutes. He’s an affable, considerate, tolerant guy, so I couldn’t imagine what could go wrong in 5 minutes. He said he’d had great, fun, pleasant, in-depth phone conversations with the woman, then asked her to a high-end restaurant for dinner. Nearly immediately after…
Long-distance suitor and the first date
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder— of somebody else.” —Anonymous A man who lives 400 miles away has been flirting with me for months and calls every day. He decided he would fly to my city this weekend to meet me. He’d get a car and a hotel room, so there would be no discomfort…
Hello — goodbye: How to say no thanks after meeting
One of the hardest parts of dating is telling your date that it isn’t a match so you don’t encourage him to pursue you. It is easiest to do in an email, but I only recommend this method if you’ve only met once. Start with thanking him for coffee, lunch, whatever. Comment on some of…
Building your Franken-boyfriend
I’ve fantasized about putting together my perfect man — my Franken-boyfriend. After dating a lot of men, I’ve grown very fond of different parts of many. I’d like to build my perfect man with the beautiful green eyes of one, the height of another, one’s sense of humor, another’s deep, resonant voice, the kindness and…
Dating takes time
I continue to be surprised when people don’t seem to understand that dating takes time. It takes hours to sort through potential matches, contact them, email and talk on the phone. Then there’s an hour to meet them, if just for coffee. Dinner is 2-3 hours. A hike or bike ride, movie, theater, concert, dancing,…
Is that you? Pictures are just a rough facsimile of the real thing
When I was first dating, I wouldn’t respond to someone if their picture wasn’t appealing, even if they sent an articulate, fun email. I also turned down any contact who I couldn’t imagine kissing, based on his picture. I didn’t meet a lot of new guys with these criteria! Now I’ve learned that pics in…
Faux beaus and practice dating
When I first began dating, I was advised to go out with nearly anyone who asked, just to practice. Since I didn't want to take advantage of anyone, I kept these practice dates to coffee. These dates helped me shore up my confidence and hone my skills at talking with men I just met about…
Deciding to see him again or not
Even when there isn’t the immediate physical attraction or chemistry, I’ll sometimes see a guy again to see if there is any underlying spark that needs a second chance to be kindled. If there was nothing odious on the first date, I may try once more. Last night is a good example. The gentleman arrived…
Courage and dating
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” —Anais Nin Last night in a class I’m taking, I briefly shared my story about how I’ve come to reenter the dating world, and how much I’ve learned from many of the men I’ve met. The instructor told me she was awed by the courage I…