I went out with a delightful man three times while King Charming and I were broken up for a few weeks some months ago. When KC and I decided to get back together, I told this man the news. Since we are in the same field and I liked his personality, I asked if we…
Rejection is protection
In response to a friend asking how I was doing, I told him of my most recent breakup experience — how cavalierly and insensitively my now-ex beau communicated his decision. I told my friend that despite my focusing on all the ways this man treated me disrespectfully, I was having a heck of a time…
The sticky side of honey do’s
A past beau called the little chores he did for me around my house “honey dues” and implied they were the dues men paid to make their woman happy. I’ve generally thought it was sweet and loving when a man offered or agreed to help with small household jobs that I either couldn’t do alone…
Have you become exclusive too soon?
You’ve been dating a man for 2 months. There have been some issues to work out, but generally you really like the man. A discussion of exclusivity comes up. You each share what you need from a relationship to be exclusive and the other agrees to try to provide it, or if you know you…
Glass half full or empty?
On a first date, a man asked if I was a glass-half-full or half-empty kind of gal. Although a tad trite, no one else had asked directly if I was optimistic or pessimistic. I wondered who would admit to the latter, although I know some are attracted to others who share a negative world view….
“Whip appeal” pros and cons
A man I dated for a while expressed his attraction to me in an interesting way: “You have whip appeal.” Huh? I’ve heard of men being “whipped” by their woman, and it is not a thing most men would admit to. In fact, a man’s pals may tease him about being “whipped” if he seems…
Do you let hunky men get away with more?
You may answer, “No. A man has to treat me right or he’s out of my life, no matter how handsome he is.” Or perhaps you realize that good looks do buy some good will, often more than is warranted. It isn’t something most of us are proud to admit, but yes, we do allow…
When breaking up is taking a stand
You’ve stayed with him because it is magical when you are with him. He treats you like a queen. You have interesting conversations. He makes you laugh. And when you touch — electricity. You know this combination is rare, so you’ve put up with the parts that aren’t great. But your needs aren’t being met….
Closure is a good thing
This morning I received an IM from my most recent ex-beau apologizing for having hurt and disappointed me. It allowed me to have closure, even though I had already released him in my mind and moved on. But actual closure, if done sanely, maturely and with care, has value even though closure just in your…
What’s his inclination to work things out?
Bemoaning to a psychologist friend the tale of a recent particularly jarring breakup, he said, “You need to ask better questions early on.” He was right. I thought I was reasonably good about asking important questions, but I hadn’t asked the one he suggested. I painfully learned that my beau of many months had no…
You learn a lot about a man by how he breaks up
A man discloses volumes during a dating relationship, but most revealing is how he breaks up. It’s almost a shame that there isn’t a break up early on as you’d see how he treats you. If a man breaks up via text, IM, or email, I know he’s a coward, afraid to have a mature…