Dating-over-40 advice by the Dating Goddess™
There are so many men with many pictures of their dogs on their profiles it makes me wonder if I will be dating their dogs. One man who interested me wrote so glowingly about his dog, I started my communication to him by writing to his dog. The dog wrote back and we had a very fun correspondence. Unfortunately when we met, the man was not as enticing as his dog!
I watched Steve Harvey promote his new book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man on Oprah the other day. (I’ll review his book for you later.) Steve talked about how women give “it” up to men too easily, without making the man earn it. And a man doesn’t respect anything he doesn’t have to earn.
By “it” Steve meant not only sex, but a woman’s heart. I’ve read this in other sources too. One man bragged about how easily he could get a woman to forgive him for some selfish act. “Just bring her a $5 bouquet and she gets all gooey eyed. Or just beg her to forgive you over the phone and you don’t even have to spring for flowers!”
The other day I fell. Not for my date, but on my date. And a first date at that.
It was pretty embarrassing, as well as painful. I was all cuted up, in a form-fitting top, sassy skirt, patterned hose, 2-inch heels — not too high. I had nothing — absolutely no alcohol — to drink. We were dining at a table raised above the floor by two small steps. There was low lighting.
When I excused myself to go to the ladies room I didn’t see one of the steps and went down hard. My cute self was splayed on the floor. Luckily, my skirt wasn’t wrapped around my head.
You’ve been unlucky in love lately. You think this St. Patrick’s Day the luck of the Irish could rub off on you. But your goal is not to get lucky with a one-night stand. You’d like more. You’d like a long-term relationship. How do you begin?
The other day, while preparing for a second date (dinner at a nice restaurant) with a special guy, it occurred to me how much date prep differs significantly between genders. No big revelation here. But the “ah ha” was how little I think one appreciates what the other does.
OK, really, I was thinking how little men understand and appreciate what a women does to prepare for a nice date with a guy she likes.
The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Online Dating by Dale Koppel, PhD.
Dr. Koppel has combined two short books in one. In fact, she’s printed her book so you read it one way to get her story, then you turn the book upside down and you get her advice. But she repeats large parts in both sections, so really it’s more like 1.5 books.
Despite dating over 100 men in three years before finding her Mr. Right, her advice is really pretty light on how to navigate the online dating game. In fact, she recommends lying in your profile. Her logic makes sense and she says she discloses her lies quickly in email, phone or the first meeting. She was nearly 60 when she began her quest, but she put her age at 57 to make herself searchable to men in her target age group. This is a common online dating strategy, but I think it makes the man wonder, “What else is she lying about?” Some even asked her that outright.
I have a “sensitive” stomach. It helps me date better.
Why?
It’s probably not what you think. It has more to do with men and less to do with food.
They are out there. We know it. We hope we will be lucky enough to avoid them. But sometimes they come into our lives.
I encountered one up close last night. I met him online. Before you launch into “This is why dating sites are so dangerous,” I’ve met nearly 100 men this way and he’s the first that I’ve discovered has a history of scamming others.
His profile title is “Obama Senior Advisor Seeks Amazing Woman.” Who wouldn’t be drawn to that? Evidently, that’s part of his scheme. We talked by phone a few times and set a time to meet.
People often say they treat others as they want to be treated. But in dating (and in life) that frequently results in disappointment, hurt and anger.
Let’s examine some common scenarios:
Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You’ve Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted by Judith Sills, Ph.D.
Dr. Sills wrote Getting Naked Again for women over 45, although at times she includes men, too. She approaches the subject with a mix of academic research and anecdotal illustrations. She says she interviewed 100 men and women for this book.
Generally, her philosophy and mine meld. She discusses how to look at dating positively and to see this process as a way of learning about yourself. Her book is an easy read, not getting bogged down with anything too heady.
