There are so many men with many pictures of their dogs on their profiles it makes me wonder if I will be dating their dogs. One man who interested me wrote so glowingly about his dog, I started my communication to him by writing to his dog. The dog wrote back and we had a very fun correspondence. Unfortunately when we met, the man was not as enticing as his dog!
Tag: online dating advice
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Are women’s emotions bought too easily?
I watched Steve Harvey promote his new book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man on Oprah the other day. (I’ll review his book for you later.) Steve talked about how women give “it” up to men too easily, without making the man earn it. And a man doesn’t respect anything he doesn’t have to earn.
By “it” Steve meant not only sex, but a woman’s heart. I’ve read this in other sources too. One man bragged about how easily he could get a woman to forgive him for some selfish act. “Just bring her a $5 bouquet and she gets all gooey eyed. Or just beg her to forgive you over the phone and you don’t even have to spring for flowers!”
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Falling for your date
The other day I fell. Not for my date, but on my date. And a first date at that.
It was pretty embarrassing, as well as painful. I was all cuted up, in a form-fitting top, sassy skirt, patterned hose, 2-inch heels — not too high. I had nothing — absolutely no alcohol — to drink. We were dining at a table raised above the floor by two small steps. There was low lighting.
When I excused myself to go to the ladies room I didn’t see one of the steps and went down hard. My cute self was splayed on the floor. Luckily, my skirt wasn’t wrapped around my head.
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Beyond getting lucky for St. Patrick’s Day
You’ve been unlucky in love lately. You think this St. Patrick’s Day the luck of the Irish could rub off on you. But your goal is not to get lucky with a one-night stand. You’d like more. You’d like a long-term relationship. How do you begin?
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Getting your cute on
The other day, while preparing for a second date (dinner at a nice restaurant) with a special guy, it occurred to me how much date prep differs significantly between genders. No big revelation here. But the “ah ha” was how little I think one appreciates what the other does.
OK, really, I was thinking how little men understand and appreciate what a women does to prepare for a nice date with a guy she likes.
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Review of “The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Online Dating”
The Intelligent Woman’s Guide to Online Dating by Dale Koppel, PhD.Dr. Koppel has combined two short books in one. In fact, she’s printed her book so you read it one way to get her story, then you turn the book upside down and you get her advice. But she repeats large parts in both sections, so really it’s more like 1.5 books.
Despite dating over 100 men in three years before finding her Mr. Right, her advice is really pretty light on how to navigate the online dating game. In fact, she recommends lying in your profile. Her logic makes sense and she says she discloses her lies quickly in email, phone or the first meeting. She was nearly 60 when she began her quest, but she put her age at 57 to make herself searchable to men in her target age group. This is a common online dating strategy, but I think it makes the man wonder, “What else is she lying about?” Some even asked her that outright.
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A sensitive stomach can help you date better
I have a “sensitive” stomach. It helps me date better.
Why?
It’s probably not what you think. It has more to do with men and less to do with food.
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Up close to a flimflam man
They are out there. We know it. We hope we will be lucky enough to avoid them. But sometimes they come into our lives.
I encountered one up close last night. I met him online. Before you launch into “This is why dating sites are so dangerous,” I’ve met nearly 100 men this way and he’s the first that I’ve discovered has a history of scamming others.
His profile title is “Obama Senior Advisor Seeks Amazing Woman.” Who wouldn’t be drawn to that? Evidently, that’s part of his scheme. We talked by phone a few times and set a time to meet.
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Why the “Golden Rule” melts down in dating
People often say they treat others as they want to be treated. But in dating (and in life) that frequently results in disappointment, hurt and anger.
Let’s examine some common scenarios:
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New tool for introducing yourself to potential sweeties
A midlife dating challenge is knowing who is unattached and might be interested in getting to know you. Even when you encounter nice, age-appropriate men, how to you ascertain if they are unattached and interested in connecting? And then how do you seize the day and initiate an invitation — in a classy, low-risk way?
See if any of these scenarios have elements of familiarity:
- You’re in line at Starbucks. You see a nice-looking midlife man a few people in front of you. You like how he kids with the barista, laughing with her about something silly. You’d like to meet him. You could invite yourself to his table, but that feels more forward than is comfortable. You don’t want this opportunity to pass, but what if he just grabs his mocha latte and heads for the door?
- You’re in the fastener aisle at the giant hardware store trying to figure out what you need. So many choices and no employee in sight. A pleasant-looking man about your age is also scanning the shelves. You ask if he knows which kind of bolt would be best for your need. He’s friendly, smiles, and you chat a bit. You’d love to have coffee, but suggesting that seems too assertive. You’ve heard about people meeting their loves in retail stores, so why couldn’t that happen to you here? He’s not wearing a ring, so what can you do to see if he’s unattached?
- In the bookstore you’re trying to decide on a marketing book. There are so many from which to choose. A neatly dressed man about your age is also perusing the same shelves. You ask if he has any favorite marketing books. He asks what information you’re looking for and then gives you a brief synopsis on a few on the shelves. You talk about your jobs a bit and soon 10 minutes have passed. He’s smart, engaging, funny and you’d like to continue, but are not sure if he’s attached. How do you proceed gracefully?
- In the grocery store, you see an attractive 50-something man in the produce aisle. As you slyly amble closer, you notice his left hand is ring-free. He’s examining the bok choy. You sidle up to him and ask: “I never know how to use this vegetable. Do you have a great way to cook it?” He responds with his favorite recipe, not using “we” or “my wife” once. You’d like to extend the conversation, but how to suggest it?
- You’re having dinner alone in a local eatery. You notice a solo middle-aged man eating at the counter. You overhear him chatting with the waiter. He is respectful and laughs at something the waiter says. You watch him some more. He seems like a happy (and wedding ring-less) man and you think you’d like to meet him. But how?
These are conundrums that midlife women (and even men) face, especially if they aren’t comfortable saying, “Hey, if you’re single, want to have a cuppa joe together?”
We’ve now invented a solution for you — in fact, one that works for both genders! What is it?
A Flirt-O-Gram™!“What’s that?” you ask.
It’s a pre-printed business-card sized note with a polite and gracious introduction on the front, including a coffee invitation. On the back you fill in your first name, cell phone number and personal email address. There’s also room for the other person to write in their info if they’d prefer you call to set up the coffee.
You think, “I’d never use this. It’s too awkward.” It’s a heck of a lot less awkward than asking if someone is unattached before inviting him/her to coffee. Or inviting him to meet you for coffee, you get your hopes up, then discover he’s attached. You’ve gained a new pal perhaps, but that isn’t what you’d hoped for.
And it’s much better than allowing these chance encounters to vanish. Part of being successful in dating (and in life) is to stretch your comfort zone and take some risks. Carpe diem! This is a pretty low-level risk.
What do you have to lose? Nothing. The Flirt-O-Gram explains that if the person is uninterested or attached, then they should just know they have another admirer. How could anyone be upset at that? They’d smile all day!
Maybe you’re thinking, “This guy could be married. Or a player. Or an ax-murderer. Or….” Yes, and so could the guy you meet in the bar, in the gym, on the dating site, at the single’s dance, etc. You should move slowly no matter where you meet someone and not give out your home address or information about yourself until you know him better.
The Flirt-O-Gram makes it so much easier to meet people. It takes the awkwardness out of introducing yourself and asking if they’re unattached. You can even send the Flirt-O-Gram to the object of your desire through the waiter, barista or cashier! Best to stay within sight though, as the recipient will want to look you over before deciding to meet for coffee.
Why not carry a few in your wallet just in case? You never know when a chance encounter might yield the love of your life. They cost less than a pack of gum. One friend said he could have given out five in one day last week!
Order “Seize the Day” Flirt-O-Gram 10-pack
Order “Aggressively Single” Flirt-O-Gram 25-pack
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Review of and special offer for “Getting Naked Again”
Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex, and Love When You’ve Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped, or Distracted by Judith Sills, Ph.D.Dr. Sills wrote Getting Naked Again for women over 45, although at times she includes men, too. She approaches the subject with a mix of academic research and anecdotal illustrations. She says she interviewed 100 men and women for this book.
Generally, her philosophy and mine meld. She discusses how to look at dating positively and to see this process as a way of learning about yourself. Her book is an easy read, not getting bogged down with anything too heady.