You’ve decided to hold off sex with the guy you’re dating until you both feel the relationship is solid. Yes, you’ve made this decision before, only to watch it crumble as you have been swept away physically by his predecessors. But this time it’s different. You want to keep your word to yourself. You want…
Dating after 40
Friends with benefits — yes or no?
A DG reader, who wished not to be named, wrote: An attractive, charming and very-much-younger out-of-town male friend with whom I talk on the phone every few months for hours recently realized I have been celibate since deciding to divorce a few years ago. He was profoundly shocked and decided that on his next visit…
Why are we drawn to bad boys?
They are like forbidden foods when we are on a diet. They pull us toward them, no matter how much self-control we try to have. We work to resist, but their beckoning becomes too much for us. We succumb to their wiles. What is it about bad boys — who are, of course, really midlife…
Dating: A self-designed personal-growth workshop
Maybe you’re like me and have attended a lot of seminars. Perhaps some of these have been personal-growth workshops. After taking a bunch of them, you realize you can design a lot of the activities yourself. If you are a good student, you see that you don’t really need someone else to design the processes…
Good first-date advice from a gay man
The following was written by Brian Rzepczynski, “The Gay Love Coach” but the concepts apply to heterosexual relationships as well. I thought his concepts were so good, I wanted to share them with you (with his permission). Change the gender references to what fits for you. “The First Date: Assessing His Boyfriend Potential” You sit…
Is he emotionally mature?
I was sharing with Prince Considerate that many midlife women complain that the men they date are lacking emotional availability. “Do you mean emotional availability or emotional maturity?” he asked. “Hmm,” I responded, “I’m not sure I can define the difference. From the brief research I did on the ‘Net, it seems emotional unavailability is…
Looking for a connection
“I’ve had a lot of sex in my life. I’m looking for a connection. Sex is an important element in a long-term relationship, but it’s not the only important thing.” My jaw was agape as I heard him share his philosophy. I admit it. I’ve come to expect the polar opposite from midlife men in…
Can an ambitious gal find happiness with a lackadaisical guy?
Bev, a DG reader, shared: I met a guy a couple months ago, and I really like him. He is everything I could possibly ask for, except for one thing, he doesn’t work. He is only 43 and on a pension. He told me that he was ill for two years and has not worked…
Prince Considerate
Many women refer to their perfect man as Prince Charming. We want someone who is likable and knows what to say to get along with others. But charm can also be shallow, knowing what to say without really meaning it. And he could be charming to others but lose that capacity with you. I grew…
The spooky side of dating
There are ghouls, goblins and other scary creatures lurking in the dating world, so beware of these potential nightmares: The undead guy who shows up looking like he’s wearing a mask of someone decades older than his online photo. The wolfman who morphs from gentleman to masher once the sun — and a drink or…
When should you disclose any, er, unusual preferences?
I was once contacted by a man who said in his profile that he was “slightly kinky.” When I asked what he meant exactly, he said he’d explain in person. He was a perfect gentleman on the phone and in emails, so I thought it was worth a coffee meeting to find out. I’ve learned…